Don't Let Your Emotions Control You

Hey Sober Family,

In recovery, your emotions can feel like a rollercoaster, swinging from frustration to sadness, from anxiety to anger, sometimes all within the same day. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by your emotions, especially when you’ve spent years numbing these feelings with alcohol or other vices and addictions. But here’s the truth: letting your emotions run the show is a dangerous game. If you let negative emotions control you, they can lead you down a path of self-sabotage, jeopardizing the relationships and progress that you have made in your sobriety and your life.



Why It is Critical to Manage Your Emotions

Negative emotions are not all bad. Feeling anger, sadness, or frustration is natural, but when these emotions dictate your decisions, you give away your power. Early in recovery, emotions can be difficult to handle, but the key is learning how to respond rather than react. When you react impulsively, you risk burning bridges with people who are important to you, making hasty decisions that derail your progress, and potentially triggering a relapse.

The ability to sit with your emotions without letting them dictate your actions is a critical skill for success in sobriety and in life. You can’t always control how you feel, but you can control how you respond to those feelings.



A Story from My Journey

I remember a time early in my recovery when I nearly lost one of my closest friendships because I couldn’t control my emotions. This friend had been supportive throughout my sobriety, but on this particular day, I was feeling incredibly vulnerable. I had a lot of stress on my plate, and instead of pausing to process my feelings, I let them boil over.

A harmless comment and a misunderstanding triggered me, and I lashed out at my friend with all the pent-up frustration and anger I had been bottling up. I accused them of not understanding my struggle and told them they were making things harder for me and to get over it. 

After that blow-up, I felt justified for a moment, I even then sent a mean text to my friend just to throw more salt in the wound. Then the truth quickly sank in, I had pushed away someone who genuinely cared about me because I couldn’t control my own emotions. It took a lot of reflection, humility, and apology to repair that relationship. I’m lucky they didn’t walk away.

I learned a powerful lesson that day: when you allow negative emotions to take control, you put everything that matters at risk. This behavior of mine could have easily resulted in a relapse. I had to recognize that my emotional state didn’t give me the right to treat others poorly or make rash decisions. It was up to me to pause, breathe, and find healthier outlets for my frustration.

How to Keep Your Emotions in Check

Here are a few strategies that helped me, and that can help you, too:



Identify your triggers

Identifying triggers is crucial if you want to control your emotions in recovery. Triggers are the people, places, situations, or even emotions that can stir up the urge to drink or engage in self-destructive behaviors. When you are aware of what sets you off, you can prepare yourself to respond differently, instead of letting your emotions hijack your sobriety. By recognizing these triggers, you gain the power to create boundaries, avoid risky environments, or develop healthier coping mechanisms. Awareness is the first step in taking control, and it allows you to stay ahead of those emotional reactions that could derail your progress.

Pause Before Reacting

When you feel a negative emotion coming on stop and take a moment. Walk away if you need to or take a few deep breaths. This pause can give you the space to choose how you want to respond and can keep you from reacting in a way that you may regret later.

Journal Your Emotions

You'd be surprised but writing out how you feel can help you process your emotions without taking them out on others. It’s a safe space to release frustration, anger, or sadness.

Talk to a Trusted Person

Whether it’s a mentor, sponsor, or close friend, talking through your emotions with someone who understands can help you gain perspective. They know the emotions and triggers that you are feeling so it is best to gain some wisdom by talking with them.

Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself and give yourself some grace. You are in the midst of a transformative process in your life. It’s okay to feel a range of emotions. Just don’t let them control you.

Seek Professional Help When Needed

If you find that your emotions are too overwhelming to manage on your own, do not hesitate to seek coaching, counseling, or therapy. There is no shame in asking for help. Learning to manage your emotions takes practice, but every time you choose to respond with intention rather than react impulsively, you are taking another step toward reclaiming your life.